i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
