apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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