peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
