Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
