He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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