Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
