I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My dick has a subreddit
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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