did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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