How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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