She said her name was "party"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
