He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
