marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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