I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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