you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
