i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
