Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
