i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
