this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
