Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this boner is exhausting
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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