I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I will pee on everything he values.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We have started to decorate penises.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
