Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
