GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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