he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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