I just saw a hot homeless man
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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