I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
