Where are you?
In a non slutty way
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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