Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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