Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
