I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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