so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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