I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My liver just had a heart attack.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
