If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
