It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
