i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
