is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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