fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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