Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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