Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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