cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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