He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
