She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
