i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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