I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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