so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
