I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
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