dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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