some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
