Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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