so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
