I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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