Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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