I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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