Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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