I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
