all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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