Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
