If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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