Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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