and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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