but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
