the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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