i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
