he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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