her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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