So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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