Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
